Cyprus Love Affairs:
Terrified of your first encounter with your new man's
parents? Fear not, Etiquette for Girls,
written by Fleur Britten and published by Debrett's, tells you how to navigate
potential in-law territory, make him proud and leave them all gushing about
'what a lovely young lady you are'
It's quite a gesture on his part and one that might suggest some commitment.
Not only that, but here's an opportunity to gauge your boyfriend's prospective
hairline count by seeing his father's. Of course, you'll be assessed for
suitability to continue the family bloodline. Just display some proto-mothering
skills in the kitchen and the rest only calls for a good balance between being
yourself and best behaviour.
Sniff out background information in advance. Are they strict or relaxed? Will
it be lunch for 20 on the verandah and dinner in tails, or TV dinners and hourly
altercations? Any no-go conversational topics (e.g. neighbours from hell, black
sheep) and any specialist subjects?
Rather boringly, it's best to dress on the conservative side. Present
yourself as a fine, upstanding young lady, and lure them in with elegant
presentation. Overdressing is un-relaxing for you and intimidating to them,
while any scruffy or ripped clothes will prompt 'youth of today' accusations.
Packing both smart and casual outfits should cover you for all eventualities.
It's handshakes and Mr/Mrs to you until invited otherwise. Remember, their
rulebook is older than yours. Failing to take a present is an oversight by their
book and a wasted chance for brownie points. Nothing too adventurous, so a plant
and a decent bottle of wine will suffice; be more original if you dare.
You may detect hostility from the mother for threatening to take away her
boy, but ignore awkward passive aggression and be the pro-houseguest. Step up
interpersonal skills and table manners, and affect total disinterest in your
mobile. Mucking in is imperative and serves as a good icebreaker. Take the
initiative with basic chores, so don't offer to wash up, just do it. Never try
to compete with the mother - let her rule her domestic roost.
Resist all inclinations to lean on your boyfriend, but follow his lead.
Observe how relaxed he is and then step up the formality slightly. What might be
normal for him (e.g. swearing, eating from the fridge) isn't for you.
Getting more drunk than the parents could raise an eyebrow or two, while
angry hangovers are never the mark of a girl good enough for their boy. That
said, a little sherry tipsiness all round can be a bonding moment, but beware of
the situational overdose and refrain from any entwinement with your boyfriend;
keep that rulebook forever in your sights.
Well-informed conversation with a bite of opinion is the ticket. Modestly
promote yourself; you have interesting friends, brilliant parents, a great
career. Avoid controversy but, if someone else brings it up, gently embrace it.
Debate with reason, but don't take parents to task. Never gang up on your
boyfriend to get other family members on side and note that gushing compliments
will ring out as creepy and insincere. Never whinge about the injustices of your
life.
If you are sharing a bedroom with your boyfriend, be super-discreet. If in
separate rooms, your boyfriend should do the bed-hopping. Only he can steal down
unlit corridors and avoid creaking floorboards and alarm systems; only he should
face the music if caught.
Afterwards, write a thank you letter within a week. When debriefing with your
boyfriend, note double standards. He's allowed to criticise his parents, but you
are not.
Hold your horses before taking him home to your parents. If you're uneasy
about calling him 'your boyfriend', then it's too soon. He'll be scared off,
while your parents will sense the strain and may wrongly disapprove of him.
Warn him of any family oddities or off-limits behaviour. Prime him on their
pet hates and weak spots and ask your parents to leave all the ugly-duckling
evidence in the closet.
Take the lead, but let him assert his own presence and personality. Don't
tease him, embarrass him or dent his male pride. Offer some guidance and keep an
eye out for pitfalls. Remember, the spotlight is on him and, for most of us,
that's not much fun.
Extract from Debrett's Etiquette for
Girls, written by Fleur Britten, from an idea created by editors Jo Aitchison
and Eleanor Mathieson (Debrett's £17.99).
Etiquette for Girls is every modern female's new best friend,
providing crucial advice for coping with any situation from a first date to
getting ahead in the workplace. Available to buy in all good bookstores now, or
alternatively buy it online at a reduced price.
©ivillage - askmen.com
