Cyprus Love Affairs: Be a Man Magnet
by Dr Pam Spurr
You will face the fears that potentially hold you back from being happy
within yourself and ultimately finding love. Now is the time to challenge and
overcome your anxieties, fears and worries.
Typical love barriers There are many different
factors that prevent us from meeting men and having great relationships. Here
are the main love barriers:
Lack of confidence Feeling 'not good enough'
or 'unworthy' are among the most common factors that hold women back from
enjoying healthy and happy relationships. Low self-confidence is prevalent in a
society that places so much emphasis on 'success' of every kind, including
having the perfect romance and relationship.
Without adequate confidence levels you're unlikely to find a happy and loving
relationship. This is because women with low confidence tend to attract men that
will take advantage of their vulnerability. They realise that you don't think
much of yourself, and see you as an easy target for a quick fling - or in
extreme cases, an abusive relationship, be it physical or emotional.
When you feel confident, you are more likely to attract men who feel good
about themselves too, as most men admit that confidence is one of the most
desirable traits in any woman.
Top tips to improve your confidence
- Affirm to yourself every day your three best personal
qualities. Write them on post-it notes and place them around the areas
you're most likely to see them - the bathroom cabinet or desk drawer for
example.
- Choose something that you're good at and develop that
into a hobby. Research proves that women who pursue active interests that
they feel good about have higher self-confidence.
- When that 'little devil on your shoulder' starts
running you down, change your inner voice into a more positive and soothing
one.
Shyness Being shy and keeping yourself to
yourself impairs your ability to develop relationships. Shyness usually develops
in women who are overly critical of themselves and who believe that everyone
notices their faults.
Top tips to overcome shyness
- Remind yourself that people are very busy in our
modern world and are not just focusing on you and your faults!
- When you meet someone new and start to feel shy, turn
the spotlight on them, and ask them questions.
- Focus on one thought at a time when first speaking to
someone as shy people tend to let thousands of thoughts swirl around their
mind which makes them tongue-tied.
Insecure body image There's enormous pressure
for us to be physically perfect. Not only are we expected to look attractive,
but we're also expected to be as slim and toned as possible. The basic human
figure was not designed for perfection! It was designed for physically
challenging tasks and to reproduce.
The majority of women worry about their physical attractiveness at some point
in their lives. These insecurities hold them back from living life to the full.
Believe me, men get very annoyed when a woman goes on about their imagined
faults, and most agree that the stick-thin image is not what they are looking
for. That is why curvier women like Catherine Zeta Jones and Charlotte Church
always rate highly in the sex appeal polls, voted for by men!
Top tips for a positive body image
- Men simply do not notice our lumps and bumps. Their
visual system is not tuned in to such details. What they notice is the
overall package, particularly body language signals. Stand confidently,
smile as if you mean it, and remember you're fabulous.
- Emphasise the parts of you that you feel best about.
There are so many fashion tricks to put to good use to enhance your best
attributes and disguise the bits you don't like so much. Stand in front of a
mirror, preferably naked, and 'soften' the way you look at yourself by
focusing on the whole package, not just the bits you don't like. Be gentle
on yourself and affirm that you are wonderful the way you are.
Once bitten, twice shy There's nothing less
attractive than a bitter woman who drones on about that ex-boyfriend or husband
who treated them badly. A woman who's been 'bitten' badly and can't let go of
the past is far less likely to find love, because on a sub-conscious level she
gives out the message that all men are rats and she will never be happy. Could
you blame a potential date for being put off?
Top tips for if you've been hurt in the past
- Don't bring up the subject of your ex when you meet a
new man. Save that conversation for a time when they know all about your
wonderful qualities.
- If you've been hurt, take things slowly. You're less
likely to be hurt again if you don't plunge into a new relationship head
first and eyes closed!
The Princess Syndrome So your love life has
been like a dessert; a bit barren and dry. Then a new man arrives on the scene -
how exciting! There's huge temptation to keep your mobile on at all times - even
the middle of the night - and to never, ever miss his calls.
I call this the Princess Syndrome; where you keep your life on hold waiting
around in your Gilded Tower for him to ask you out. The last thing you should do
is stop your life for a new man. If anything, you're far more interesting if
you're a busy and fun woman, rather than one who answers the phone after the
first ring!
Top tips to avoid being a 'Princess'
- Don't cancel plans if he asks you out spontaneously.
Instead, suggest the next evening that you're free.
- It sounds like playing a game but don't pick up after
the first ring. He can wait for two or three rings before he hears your
wonderful voice!
- And if you miss his call, you don't have to return it
within seconds. He can wait an hour or two and won't think you're always
hanging by the phone waiting for him. That can get a bit boring and
predictable.
Putting it on a plate You think you're an
independent and liberated woman and think you can handle sex on your terms.
That's fine - if you can. But many women tell me that what they are really
looking for is romance and a relationship, not just sex.
Put it on a plate and most men will take it - even the good ones.
Unfortunately, we live in the real world and the facts are that many men dismiss
you as a potential girlfriend if you give it to them too quickly. It sounds
somewhat Neanderthal of them, but it's true; survey after survey suggest men
hold on to this old-fashioned attitude about women and sex.
Top tips on how to approach sex
- Don't use sex to get love. Be clear about what you
want when you meet someone new.
- Don't be pressured into sex before you're ready. It
won't be as sensational as you deserve and why should you rush?
- When you're ready, always practice safe sex.
- A rule of thumb for knowing that you're ready for sex
on your terms is when you can actually talk about important issues with the
new man in your life. If you can't talk to him, why would you want to share
your body with him?
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